Distraction
by citruspeach
Summary: Sirius really should have listened when Remus suggested bug spray.


A/N: The correct genre for this story would actually be "Unadulterated Fluff." However, as that is not an option, I've had to settle for Romance/Humor.

(Also, this is dedicated to my friend Keavy who wanted R/S fluff and got it. ♥!)

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Distraction 

"Goddamn bleeding…" Sirius swatted aimlessly in front of his face. "Bloody midges!" He clapped in the air near his thigh, opened his hands and, seeing no squished bug in his palm, sat down on a stump, defeated. "Remus!" He called over his shoulder as he scratched at a bite on his leg, "Remus, get over here and cast a repellent spell on me or something. I can't stand it anymore! I thought the fleas were bad, but honestly! These things are evil! They're, like… vampires or something. They won't stop biting me!"

"Oh, come on, Sirius. Stop complaining. They can't be that bad." Remus said as he rounded a bend in the path and saw Sirius pathetically itching at most of his exposed skin, little red bumps dotting his legs, arms, and even the tops of his feet. Remus couldn't hold back a snicker. "I'd love to help you, Padfoot, but you know as well as I I've no idea how to cast a bug repellent charm. You should've just used the muggle stuff I found." Sirius looked up at him pitifully, now scratching at big welt on his right arm.

"But Remus… it itches! It itches like fleas and… and more fleas put together. Who's idea was it to go out walking in the woods in the middle of July, anyway?" He frowned.

"As I recall, it was all yours. Something about it being a grand adventure, keeping us busy while James is sick. If you ask me, we could've kept busy a lot of other ways." Remus looked slightly annoyed and Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well, why do you think I wanted to get you out to some remote woodland location? You know how bugs are such a turn on for me." Sirius over-exaggerated a wink, and Remus choked a little.

"Really, Sirius," he said, managing to keep a straight face, "Well then, I guess those midge bites must be making you rather horny, then."

"Oh yes, Remus. There's nothing like the fiery itch of skin irritation to get me in the mood." He stood up and walked over to Remus as enticingly as he could while still scratching at his arm. Remus couldn't help but laugh and pulled him in for a kiss anyway.

"Padfoot, you're a fool." He said after Sirius broke the kiss to resume scratching. "Y'know, if you keep at it, your arm's going to start bleeding."

"If it makes it itch less, I'll risk it." Sirius scratched vigorously as he sat back down on the stump.

"Well, I can think of a much less destructive way to stop the itching," said Remus slyly as he walked over.

"And what would that be?" Sirius said, not quite paying attention as he switched to his left bicep.

"Distraction," Remus whispered in his ear, right before he kissed him hard on the lips and straddled him, relishing being the dominant one at a time not during the full moon. Sirius made a slight noise beneath him, halfway between a grunt and a mew, and deepened the kiss. Eventually, Sirius pulled away to breathe, smiling blissfully up at Remus for a second before overbalancing and falling off the stump, sending them both in to a messy pile of limbs on the forest floor. Sirius looked dazed for a moment before beginning to laugh. It was infectious, and soon they were both laughing as they tried and failed to pick themselves up off the ground. When they eventually calmed down and stood up, Sirius took one look at a disheveled Remus, covered in dirt and leaves and twigs and started laughing again. Remus hit him lightly upside the head.

"I think we ought to go back," said Remus, brushing dirt off his legs and looking a bit indignant. Sirius chortled. "And just so you know, Sirius, if you keep laughing I'm not touching you for a week."

"Aw, come on, Moony!" he said through what were not giggles, he swears, "It's funny and you know it."

"Maybe," smiled Remus. "Whatever. C'mon, let's go back and have Mrs. Potter perform some sort of anti-itch spell for your midge bites." Sirius stopped walking and frowned.

"Remus!" Sirius whined, "I'd forgotten about them! Now they're all itching again!" Remus just laughed.

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Constructive criticism would be lovely! 

Actually, any reviews would be lovely, as I am a review whore.

(x-posted to remusxsirius on LiveJournal)


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